It's just the beginning
by smiliface
Summary: My first Casualty fanfiction :) Mostly about Zoe and Max but might feature other characters... Chapter 3 is quite dramatic... trigger warning here! (But there's fluff, too!)
1. Chapter 1

"Zoe?" She couldn't answer, she couldn't turn around and see his gorgeous, goofy face and look into it with sore, tired, crying eyes. She just couldn't. She wasn't used to having someone… a man, care about her. Did he care? Had this thing become more than sex? From her point of view, she suspected it might do if only she could let down those barriers. Those barriers she'd had to build up from years of one-night stands, betrayal, hurt and knowing that she'd sleep with someone and never see them again. If she was honest, this whole thing scared her to the core. More than being a failing clinical lead. She'd been fine with that until Connie had come along and pointed out all her short-comings. But Clinical Lead. Pah, she could jack that in any time. Guy would be more than happy to accept her resignation.

But affairs of the heart are never that simple, you can't just give in your resignation and step away. Maybe it was that, the knowledge she'd gone too far, fallen in too deep to ever turn around that caused her to snap and throw that careful filing on the floor. The bloody filing that had meant she'd missed out on having time with HIM. Oh, it was all such a mess. To her, it felt like her life was someone's headphones that had been put in a pocket and become so tangled and twisted the strands were impossible to separate; who could possibly say what was frustrating her?

Big, soft hands attached to strong arms wrapping around her waist distracted her from the anger that was building up inside her and threatening to turn her into a sobbing mess. A gentle kiss was planted on top of her and although she tried half-heartedly to pull away from him – she didn't want sympathy, she just wanted someone, something on which to unleash her wrath – he was stronger than her, and although being as gentle as possible, pulled her back into him until she subsided and turned around to face him, well his chest as his head fitted perfectly on top of hers and her face, wet with falling tears was pushed firmly into his strong chest.

Through her tears she was able to feel his gentle hands massaging her, drawing circles on her back. She wasn't sure if she liked it or if she could cope with someone seeing her this broken. When she finally regained her composure, she realised he must have manoeuvred the both of them to the floor, his back leaning against the wall and her body wrapped so snugly around his she wasn't sure where she finished and he started. Looking up at his face, Zoe wasn't sure if she could remember seeing him like this. She was pretty sure she couldn't. She was so used to seeing his cheeky grin or charming smile that the pain on anguish on his face made him almost unrecognisable.

"Max, please…." She didn't need to feel the guilt for making him feel bad as well as everything else. Half expecting one of his cheesy line, she was surprised by the concern that flooded his eyes. "Zo. You're back" he whispered. Looking into her eyes for her permission, he began gently kissing and wiping the tears away.

Zoe heard a whisper in her ear; "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Zo" "What on Earth have you got to be sorry for?" "Oh, well if you didn't notice…" "Uh uh, you can't back out now, Mister" Zoe chimed, poking Max in the ribs "Nah, I'm sorry for giving you such a hard time over Arthur. You didn't need that, not on top of everything else. I should have been on your side and I wasn't really, and I'm sorry". A cheeky grin spread across Zoe's face "I'm sure you can make it up to me" she winked. Max's only answer was a kiss on the lips.

"I look a right mess" Zoe realised, taking out her pocket mirror. "I don't think I've ever seen you look more beautiful". Both of them were somewhat taken aback by Max's statement; he'd seen her in the throws of passion, he'd seen her dressed up and he'd seen her naked but he'd never seen her this vulnerable, and although it scared him, he was pleased that she was letting him share the moment with her.

"Shall we get you home, babe?" Zoe gratefully nodded. She was thankful for his concern, for coming back, even if he had rejected her offer of breakfast. She didn't mind that he didn't know what to say. There wasn't really anything she wanted to hear. His presence was enough.

A few hours later, Zoe and Max were snuggled together under his duvet. Words weren't needed and they were enjoying the feeling of their naked limbs wrapped around each other. "Max? Max?" Zoe repeated his name, realising he'd fallen asleep in the warm. "Hmm, what is it, babe?" "What are we? I mean, what is THIS?" Zoe questioned, gesturing downwards towards their entangled bodies. "Well… sex, did you, er, not do sex ed at school?" "Shut up!" Zoe giggled, covering her ears. She was glad Max had returned to his old self. "No, but seriously, I don't know, the thing is, I'm not sure I can let you go. I mean, this is different to all the one night stands, and believe me, I've had a lot". Zoe's arms tightened around him as he spoke; she was glad he felt able to be open with her. "I know… it's just, I'm a lot older than you, are you sure you don't" Max's mouth on hers stopped her talking and answered her question. "Are you sure you can put up with going out with a porter? Although may I just remind you, this is not just any old porter, but a particularly fetching and handsome one" said Max, winking and grinning. "Shut it, you". Zoe thwacked him in the stomach and they settled down to go to sleep together.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 - hope you enjoy!**

When Max woke up the next morning it took him a moment to register that Zoe was back in his bed. He could count on one hand, probably one finger the number of girls he'd slept with more than once, but none of them, not one, compared to Zo. She was beautiful, incredibly clever, caring, strong and weak in exactly the right way. If he was honest with himself, the notion that they were now in a 'relationship' scared him. He wasn't entirely sure what that meant. He could do the chasing bit, flirting; it came easier to him to do that than NOT do that, buying flowers, stealing her cigarettes… well, they weren't good for her anyway… but what do you do in a relationship? There was no way he could afford her, really. She earned a lot more than he did and also had much more expensive tastes than him… He soon realised his mind was wandering and took the opportunity to remind himself to concentrate on the present; on the beautiful lady sleeping like a baby in his arms. She looked so delicate, so unlike the controlled Zoe everyone else in Holby saw. He brushed a piece of satin black hair behind her ear, gently touching her cheek as he did so. He saw her eyelids flutter and a quiet whimper "Maaax" left her lips. Max found himself beaming, knowing that while his head was filled with only her, hers was filled with only him.

He pulled her closer to him and enjoyed the quietness. As much as he longed to wake her and enjoy the 'banter' they'd inevitably have, he knew she'd had a horrible few weeks and needed as much sleep as she could get.

Eventually, he felt her wriggle, a sure sign that she'd awoken. "Morning, babe" he spoke out. Through her closed eyes and with a groggy voice she replied with "Hmmm, good morning". She looked dangerously comfortable under the warm covers and worried that she'd go back to sleep and waste the day without him in dreamland, Max's hands slowly wondered beneath the covers and began tickling her sensitive middle. Zoe's protestations just increased the fun and soon they were both laughing and rolling around on the bed. "Hey, hey" argued Max as, in one swift movement, he grabbed her hands and held them above her head on the pillows and covered her with his body. As he looked down into her eyes, he felt overwhelmed with a need to protect her; a thought that he'd never had before. His instinct was normally a need to sleep with these women and then avoid them and their boyfriends. His mind briefly went back to the Spanish lady called… Petra? Pilla? Carmen. He was pretty sure that was it. How he'd been an idiot and pretended to be Cal. Showed how much hope he held out for HER! How could he have thought her hot compared to the woman gazing up at him with a look of admiration and desire?! "Oi, Max, you forgotten me down here?!" Her voice was joking but also slightly concerned as if worried that he'd remembered a wife and kid he needed to get back to or something. She quickly banished those memories from her mind – lies were a thing of the past.

"No, no, I could never forget you" He reassured her with a strong, passionate kiss. Still pinning her down, he continued with "What d'ya wanna do today? I was thinking… ice cream in the park? Take a trip to the beach? We could hang here, but Robyn's around, so…" A mischievous grin appeared on Zoe's face as she said "You're so innocent, you know that? Or have I just worn you out already? I mean, I know I'm a decade older than you, so I would'a thought you'd be able to keep up, but if you can't, just let me know…" Zoe felt a glorious laugh reverberate through Max's body and it filled her with happiness that she could make him laugh. She'd loved Nick, she really had, but her relationship had always felt so 'formal'; she rarely saw him without his suit and tie and… she didn't know, really. Max just had an overwhelmingly relaxing effect on her; when he was around, there were no problems, she wasn't an inefficient clinical lead, she was just Zo. With her Beau.

That evening, they did make it out to the sea front. It was just a short drive away and they decided to take full advantage of the cooling sun and the late evenings. As they sat on the sand, Max sitting straight up, Zoe sitting between his outstretched legs with her back resting against the solid wall of his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around her middle, there wasn't a lot of need for conversation. They'd had a typical day of laughter and 'arguing', and it was lovely to just sit with each other and watch the boats go past. "Max?" "Yeah?" Max answered, simultaneously kissing her neck. "I've never done this before. Thank you" "You're absolutely welcome" Max replied, both aware that he'd used the words he'd used that enjoyable day when she'd 'helped' him be a porter.

"So, come on", Max prodded, "Tell me about your boyfriends" "What? All of them?" Zoe questioned "I don't think there's enough time in the world, Max" Max chuckled, a beautiful sound. "Just tell me what you want to" he encouraged. Zoe picked up one of his hands from around her waist and began fiddling with his fingers "Well, I guess the only relationship I've had is Nick. I still miss him sometimes, but people move on" She moved further back into Max to show that Nick wasn't gradually retaking his place in her life "I'm glad he's not here anymore. I wasn't at first. Took me ages to get used to it. I think that's why I wanted to take on Clinical Lead. Wanted to show that I could survive without him, that I could make him proud" Max could hear her voice was breaking and kissed her temple to show he was still listening "Zo, just tell me what you want to, no pressure". She continued "He was my only true relationship, oh, I've had sex and lots of it" "I can tell" interjected Max and Zoe reprimanded him with a swift poke "But never really love. I did love Nick, I did, but I also loved his money and his power. See, it's different with you cos you have neither" She finished, sticking her tongue out at him. Max rolled his eyes in his own adorable way. "Come on, then, Casonova, what about you?" She asked. "Hmm, maybe tomorrow" he replied as he twisted her round and claimed her mouth with his. "By the way", Max continued, "You make me proud. Every second"

**Thanks for reading :) Hope that was OK. Thank you so much for reviews - really appreciated! Still not sure where this is going, haha, but please keep reading! **


	3. Chapter 3 - Trigger Warning!

Zoe had never imagined herself doing, or had particularly enjoyed, doing housework, but as she washed up the plates and the glasses from the breakfast in bed Max had made them both, her heart sang for joy at the notion that she had someone to look after and they were there to look after her in ways she couldn't imagine. She'd never had anyone she felt more comfortable with; no-one she could so casually confide in.

***Trigger Warning***

**Hi guys, quite a dramatic update here... took me a long time to write this and I'm still not sure about it, I hope you enjoy it, but sorry if you don't. I've tried to balance drama and cuteness. Reviews here would be much appreciated! **

Things weren't great at the hospital; she dreaded starting her shift in… 45 minutes. She knew there was a huge pile of paperwork on her desk that wouldn't go away, and an ever-mounting list of problems and complaints. She sighed and buried her head in her hands to regain her composure. "Hey" Max spoke softly from the doorway "are you worried about the hospital again?" Zoe nodded in reply and she looked so desolate and scared that Max went to her and collected her in his arms. Normally she felt smaller than him but strong, determined. Today he was afraid he'd break her if he squeezed too hard in the wrong places. He kissed her head, reminding her that he was with her every step of the way. Whatever that way was.

"What a wonderful day it's been", Zoe thought, smiling to herself as she looked down at Max's head lying on her lap and ran her fingers through his hair. It had been hectic at work – she'd barely seen Max all day, but they'd more than made up for it since arriving back at her apartment. She was glad he was in her life, and such a big part. It scared her, but it made her feel happy. Overjoyed, even. She'd never sought comfort in relationships, never seen them as the answer to all her problems. Yet here he was, making her life even more manic and confusing, yet so simple at the same time.

While she was enjoying the quiet of the apartment, broken only by Max's gentle breathing, there was a knock at the door. Zoe wasn't expecting anyone and the knock was loud and violent. She'd always trusted her instincts, and right now, her instincts told her not to answer the door.

"Max?" she whispered, and then repeated a little louder. Since he'd been sleeping she'd missed his lopsided grin and stupid comments. "Max!" She hit him gently and saw his head lift in confusion "huh?" he asked. "There's someone at the door, I don't want to go" she told him. It was strange for Max to see Zoe so scared- he couldn't remember seeing her scared. It caused him to feel a bit nervous, as well. He didn't know what to expect, but still groggy from sleeping, he dragged his feet over to the door. Still on the sofa, Zoe missed her contact with Max and despite herself, went to see what was happening.

Standing at the door she saw Mr Reynolds – a man whose 6 year old son she had treated when he was involved and badly injured in a car accident and who had sadly died. Mr Reynolds had not taken the news well and Zoe was not comforted by seeing him standing at the door to her apartment. She didn't know how he'd found out her address. "You need to leave. Now" She told him firmly, stepping towards him on her bare feet. She felt lost, less powerful without her heels that she'd kicked off earlier. "And why is that?" he retorted. "Uh, this is my _house_. You can't be here. If you have a complaint I'd love to listen to it. Tomorrow. At the hospital. OK? Good bye"

The man made no move to leave and as Max began shutting the door, he barged past into the large open plan living room. Max stood in his way, blocking his path to Zoe. He heard a voice behind him. "Look, I'm sorry about Tommy, I really am. No parent should have to go through losing a child, but I'm afraid there really is nothing I can do and this isn't helping anyone." Max silently willed Zoe to stay quiet. She was right, of course she was, but he didn't want her to make this worse for any of them and he had no idea what this man wanted to, or was going to do. "Please, Zo…" he begged her. She flashed him an apologetic smile.

"Have you ever lost a child, do you have any idea, ANY IDEA what it's like?" The man fired at her. "Right, O-OK, that's enough" Max told him, gently stepping forward and forcing him towards the door. He glanced nervously back at Zoe, trying to show that it was all going to be OK and he wouldn't let this virtual stranger hurt her.

"aaaaggghhh" he cried out in pain as the man punched him in the stomach, leaving him a crumpled heap on the floor. The unexpected attack made Zoe want to run and hide in the bedroom, but she couldn't leave Max, not with him. "Max? Are you alright? Max?" "Yeah, yeah", he gasped and made a move to stand up and put himself back between the man and Zoe; the gap between the two ever diminishing. He couldn't do it; his legs gave way under the pain and he was forced back to the floor. He didn't care about the pain, whatever had happened to him, he just wanted to protect Zoe; what use to her was he if he couldn't even do that?

When he came round, he was still lying on the hard laminate flooring; he could only just remember what Happened. He must have passed out. "Zoe?" He looked around the room for her. He noticed the front door was wide open and his heart pounded, expecting the worst. How could he have let this happen? What had he let happen? This time he didn't let the agony in his stomach stop him and he slammed the door shut, before rushing through the apartment looking for his beloved.

He was alerted to her presence by small sobs coming from the bathroom. His heart leapt almost through his chest as he looked in and saw his beautiful Zoe collapsed against the side of the bath. She had no clothing below her waist and her shirt was ripped. "Baby… baby" he said as he saw her. As he got nearer he began to notice the bruises covering her body; her legs and her arms. "No. Please.. No" he spoke out. He must have got it wrong. This couldn't have happened. Not while he was there. Not to Zoe. These things didn't happen to _real_ people. Just people far, far away in TV land.

He didn't know what the time was, but a short while ago they'd been sitting down in un-wedded bliss and now he was faced with this. He didn't have a clue what to do. And he couldn't deal with this by joking and being a cheeky chappy. "It's time to grow up, Max". He thought to himself. He went to sit down next to Zoe, but she cowered away from him. He'd never seen her so small and weak.

"I love you" He whispered to her. They must have been sitting there for at least an hour. In virtual silence. Occasionally Zoe's sobs or Max's loving whispers broke the air, but neither really knew what to say. Max longed to get her some pyjama trousers to protect her modesty (he hoped she had some- she'd never had cause to wear them around him before), but he didn't feel the time was right to leave her.

"Zo, shall we have a bath?" He gently whispered into her ear. She nodded hesitantly in response. She didn't really want to be touched by Max but she did know she could trust him and she definitely needed a bath. To wash the fear off, to get clean, to take a tiny step towards moving on. Max moved from his position and ran some warm water into the tub. "C'mon then", he said eventually, holding her hand to help her up and helping to remove what was left of her shirt. Her hand movements told him she didn't want to take her bra off and he certainly wasn't going to push her to do anything like that. He wasn't sure what to do about his clothes, should he take those off too? He thought maybe a good compromise would be to remove all but his boxers, which he did, and helped Zoe into the bath. He sat behind her and allowed her to position herself between his legs. It filled him with dread to see the amount of blood that turned the water red; it churned his stomach. He gingerly put an arm around her stomach, hoping that she'd show him if she was comfortable and she did, by eagerly grabbing his hand and holding it tightly in hers. "shhh" He whispered to her, holding him to her. As the sobs started again, Max picked up a cloth and began very gently cleaning the wounds and bruises. He placed kisses over each one, letting her know just how much he cared.

Eventually the water grew cold, and Max moved them both to the bed, being careful to dry every inch of his gorgeous woman that she'd let him. He'd never known her so quiet, so placid, so still. One action had completely changed her. And his love for her. She may have become weaker, but his love for her was so much stronger, so much more mature and so much more complete.

He had found her pyjamas and gently dressed her in them. She clung on to him, and that gave him a small amount of pleasure. He loved independent Zoe, but he was glad that she hadn't become afraid or suspicious of him. This was hard enough to deal with anyway. He wasn't sure if he could deal with her shutting him out, too.

As they lay on the bed, as close as they could get, Zoe curled into him, a baby. As precious and as delicate. They both knew they weren't going to get a lot of sleep, but they had to try, had to get strength to get through tomorrow.

**You got through it! :-) Was it OK? **


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm back... couldn't wait to find out how they cope the next day :) Bit happier this time! **

As the sun came up the next morning, nothing really changed in the bedroom. Max was still holding a crippled Zoe. His left side had gone numb from lack of movement but he didn't care. Zoe's eyes were still open. Her body still tense. Max wasn't expecting her to move and was surprised by her sudden reaction to the sharp beeping of the alarm clock.

She jumped out of bed, wearily running her hands over her face and shaking her head as if that were all it would take to dispel everything. Despite Max's protestations, she continued to get ready for the day. She squeezed herself into a dress and picked up her heels from where they'd been left near the sofa the night before. She slammed some bread into the toaster and stared intently until it popped up.

"Zoe." She'd never heard Max speak so firmly before. "Yeah? Max, why aren't you ready? We've got to be at work in… half an hour". She sounded like normal, controlled, organised Zoe. Had he dreamt what had happened? Had it all been a horrific nightmare? Part of him dared to hope, but he couldn't allow himself to live in the imaginary world. What to do, though, he did not know.

"You're not going to work today" he told her. He doubted she'd listen to him, but he had to try. "Max. Something happened. I reacted badly, it's over now, I have an ED to run, people to save, you know, paper work to do. I can't sit around….moping all day. I appreciate your concern, but let's move on, get cracking with the new day".

He couldn't win this argument. He'd just have to follow her in and be there for her when she inevitably collapsed.

This was the Zoe he'd fallen in love with. The unflappable doctor. Throughout the day he'd heard her in cubicles, diagnosing and treating stomach pains, cuts to people's legs and other limbs. He'd watched her click through the department in her high heels (which, he noticed, really did maximise her assets). He'd given her nervous glances and sympathetic smiles, which she'd replied to with busy smiles; confirmations that she was doing OK. He could see the tiredness through her make-up. He doubted anyone else could. He noticed her wince when Noel gave her a friendly punch to the arm. But this was Zoe, eager to work, eager to please, eager to look after everyone else. Everyone else but not herself.

He'd be glad when the shift was over, he couldn't wait to get back and hold her, be there for her and look after her. "Are you… nearly ready to go?" He poked his head round her office door and questioned. "Um, define 'nearly'", she replied with a cheeky smile. Seeing her brought a big smile to Max's face. He couldn't believe how lucky he'd got. How was this beautiful, successful doctor interested in him?! "Well, you answered my question right there". He told her as he came in and plonked himself down in Connie's chair. "You're lucky she's not here to see you do _that_!" Zoe told him. Max was going to wait for Zoe and if that meant watching her do her admin then that's what he would do, he thought to himself as he amused himself by playing with the desk lamp. Zoe could tell from his fiddling that he was distracted, that he wasn't his usual happy-chappy self. But she wasn't going to laze around and be miserable just because that was what was expected of her. No. She wasn't ill and she wasn't going to let this _thing_ hold her back.

"Come on, then, mister" she told Max as she picked up her bag. He'd been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed her shut down the computer, tidy her desk and slip her coat back on. He smiled at her as she held her hand out to him.

How had she snapped out of this so fast? She was a completely different person to the figure he'd held all night. He was impressed, angry and concerned at the same time. He knew, though, that he couldn't change her and he just had to wait. This was a journey and they'd face every step together.

As they walked through the door to her apartment, Zoe suddenly stopped. "You OK?" Max asked, rubbing her back. "Yep, yep. Sorry, fine. Just had a... moment. Now, come on, shall we go and watch some rubbish on TV?" Max followed her through and sat next to his beautiful lady on the sofa. She leaned back into him and rested her head on his shoulder. It was nice, he realised, to have a little bit of normality back in their lives. Max relaxed against the sofa, still holding Zoe and kissed the top of her head. "Love ya, baby" he whispered into the darkness.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the delay in updating and for how short this is... I hope you enjoy!**

He loved her. He loved her so much he didn't know what he'd do without her, and not just in a lustful, sexual way. He loved her with a love so deep that he didn't know how to express it; the desire to take her in his arms and hold her until any pain or sadness snaked its way out of her body and left them blissfully happy.

He thought about that as he watched her sleep. Grey clouds made the room dark and miserable, but her toned skin shone like a light that couldn't be extinguished. She was the light of his world, literally and metaphorically. Together, they could face anything. However scary it seemed. She squirmed in his arms as it became closer to 'waking up time'. She pushed herself into his chest, burrowing her way to safety.

He'd convinced her to take some time off. He'd wrangled some as well. There was no rush, they could spend all day in bed if that was what she wanted. Max was just glad that she'd finally got some sleep, finally got to escape the cruelty and darkness of the world for a few short hours.

She woke up and smiled, briefly forgetting her torment. She was reminded of it, however, from the sharp pain from between her legs. She tried to conceal it, tried to spare Max the pain of seeing her hurting, but he saw it and kissed her gently, trying and slightly succeeding, to rid her of it.

They stayed cuddled up in the silence, listening to the rain beating down on the roof of the apartment for what seemed like eternity. Zoe was glad that when she finally got up and made her way over to the window, the rain had drastically reduced the number of people outside. The streets were bare; Max had become the one person in her world. And he was the only person she needed.

She couldn't face going out. Not today. She had to keep living, keep pressing forward, but maybe not today. Her body felt cold and lonely without Max and dressed in his red T-shirt, she went round the apartment looking for him. She found him in the kitchen, trying to make a salad.

The mess and chaos that surrounded him, even doing such a simple task made her smile "What's all this mess?" She asked him cheekily "Well, you know, all the best chefs…" he trailed off, unable to think of a suitable excuse. But it didn't matter, she collapsed into his strong arms and let his embrace secure her, build her up and make her feel loved.

"Zo… Do you think you should tell someone, about, well, you know…" He wasn't sure if this was a good thing to suggest. In fact, he was fairly sure it wasn't. But he was determined to look after her and do the right thing and if that meant putting himself in the firing line, then so be it.

"What? The police?" He nodded silently, concerned at the disgusted expression she had on her face. "And what are they going to do? Take this away?" There were tears forming in her eyes and Max kissed the top of her head, reminding her that he was there to support her, not push her. "No, of course not. But you know who did it. If the police know, they can catch him, stop him doing this to someone else" She shook her head silently. "Maybe another time, not now. Not now." She told him. He nodded his head in acknowledgment. He knew that the next few days were important for her to get over what had happened and baby steps were the way forward.

He took her hand as he led her over to the table and placed a plate of slightly random salad in front of her. She picked at a few of the leaves, politely thanked him for making an effort, but wasn't generally hungry. He watched and sighed as she walked away into the bedroom.

**I hope you enjoyed it :) Thanks for all your lovely reviews. I'll try to update soon. **


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